On Writing...

So I'm here at 1:00 in the morning, finishing my writing homework. Yes, yes, I'm up rather late, and I should have done it yesterday. So? I didn't. Anyways!

I was reading in The Little, Brown Writing handbook (which, ironically, is blue) and I saw something about freewriting. You spend like 10 minutes just pouring whatever comes to mind out onto the paper, and I'm like "Woo!"

What *is* on my mind? Gee, I sound like facebook. My mind is seemingly chock full of everything. I think about college, music, friends, church, life, etc. I don't just think sparingly, either. My current work schedule has me working Tuesday, Thursday and Friday for three hours in the evenings. That's three hours where I can just mindlessly do my job and think.

College? I think about how I fit in. Virginia Western isn't a huge college, but it sure is full of weird people. I suppose "weird people" doesn't fit it. VaWest is a community college, known for its dual-enrollment classes. There are a lot of younger teens, and older teens that aren't quite college-age. They're still on the bug of "be your own person" and honestly, its sickening. They dress up and do their hair like this or that, and hang with their little groups, but they aren't *living!*

I don't know quite what I'm trying to say here. I suppose I'm frustrated because I have learned to be content (usually, at least) and I see other people complaining constantly about little stupid worthless things that bug them. My sister and her husband were both without jobs for three months and were living on a dwindling savings account. The college student who is throwing a fit because her cappuccino didn't have enough cream does not have reason to complain. The worst part is how much I see dissatisfaction. On any given day on facebook, there can be twenty, maybe thirty statii about little insignificant things that have "ruined my day" or somesuch.

Now, I'm no god. I have my troubles, and I get frustrated. Still, when God blesses me, I see no reason to complain about it. Everything happens for a reason, so there's no point in fighting it. If I buy a dozen donuts and one of them is smashed or missing, too bad! I can live without it, and I don't see any worth in going back and causing everyone more trouble than its worth.

Oh man, I think about life, and that's just scary. Its sad, really, because I have nobody I can confide in. Yes, there is God. He is enough, but my sinful mind and body can't seem to get that. I want to talk to a human! Who? Why? I don't know, and nobody fits my needs. I want someone distant, but someone who I trust implicitly and who will tell me exactly what they think with no cushion. Now, God does this, but as I said, my stupid mind can't grasp it. Why? I wish I knew this, too. I guess I feel almost ashamed when I talk to God. When I'm having low points, I find it easy to start snapping at things and...my mind just hit a brick wall.

I'm starting to hallucinate, so I'm gonna go to bed. Maybe they aren't hallucinations, but I'm definitely seeing something. I have to get up tomorrow, too, so that's nice. Goodnight everyone.

J~S