So I'm here at 1:00 in the morning, finishing my writing homework. Yes, yes, I'm up rather late, and I should have done it yesterday. So? I didn't. Anyways!
I was reading in The Little, Brown Writing handbook (which, ironically, is blue) and I saw something about freewriting. You spend like 10 minutes just pouring whatever comes to mind out onto the paper, and I'm like "Woo!"
What *is* on my mind? Gee, I sound like facebook. My mind is seemingly chock full of everything. I think about college, music, friends, church, life, etc. I don't just think sparingly, either. My current work schedule has me working Tuesday, Thursday and Friday for three hours in the evenings. That's three hours where I can just mindlessly do my job and think.
College? I think about how I fit in. Virginia Western isn't a huge college, but it sure is full of weird people. I suppose "weird people" doesn't fit it. VaWest is a community college, known for its dual-enrollment classes. There are a lot of younger teens, and older teens that aren't quite college-age. They're still on the bug of "be your own person" and honestly, its sickening. They dress up and do their hair like this or that, and hang with their little groups, but they aren't *living!*
I don't know quite what I'm trying to say here. I suppose I'm frustrated because I have learned to be content (usually, at least) and I see other people complaining constantly about little stupid worthless things that bug them. My sister and her husband were both without jobs for three months and were living on a dwindling savings account. The college student who is throwing a fit because her cappuccino didn't have enough cream does not have reason to complain. The worst part is how much I see dissatisfaction. On any given day on facebook, there can be twenty, maybe thirty statii about little insignificant things that have "ruined my day" or somesuch.
Now, I'm no god. I have my troubles, and I get frustrated. Still, when God blesses me, I see no reason to complain about it. Everything happens for a reason, so there's no point in fighting it. If I buy a dozen donuts and one of them is smashed or missing, too bad! I can live without it, and I don't see any worth in going back and causing everyone more trouble than its worth.
Oh man, I think about life, and that's just scary. Its sad, really, because I have nobody I can confide in. Yes, there is God. He is enough, but my sinful mind and body can't seem to get that. I want to talk to a human! Who? Why? I don't know, and nobody fits my needs. I want someone distant, but someone who I trust implicitly and who will tell me exactly what they think with no cushion. Now, God does this, but as I said, my stupid mind can't grasp it. Why? I wish I knew this, too. I guess I feel almost ashamed when I talk to God. When I'm having low points, I find it easy to start snapping at things and...my mind just hit a brick wall.
I'm starting to hallucinate, so I'm gonna go to bed. Maybe they aren't hallucinations, but I'm definitely seeing something. I have to get up tomorrow, too, so that's nice. Goodnight everyone.
J~S
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
On Love...
A couple in my church is going through some serious marital problems, and the wife posted this quote:
I saw that and was like, "Woah. That is the way to model your life." Even when you cease being in love...you gave your word, and you need to keep it.
On a side note, I think that phrases such as "giving your word" and such have been totally devalued in today's society. If someone gives you his word that he'll meet you somewhere, he doesn't have to show up. Its pathetic.
J~S
I saw that and was like, "Woah. That is the way to model your life." Even when you cease being in love...you gave your word, and you need to keep it.
On a side note, I think that phrases such as "giving your word" and such have been totally devalued in today's society. If someone gives you his word that he'll meet you somewhere, he doesn't have to show up. Its pathetic.
J~S
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
On What Makes Me Laugh...
D - You just have to figure out what you want from life, and then go for it.
M- *blank stare, then sudden inspiration* I want a cheeseburger. And a haircut. Wait, no. Haircut then cheeseburger. Don't wanna have meat-burps in the barber's face.
D - ...a truly earthshaking personal epiphany...
M- *blank stare, then sudden inspiration* I want a cheeseburger. And a haircut. Wait, no. Haircut then cheeseburger. Don't wanna have meat-burps in the barber's face.
D - ...a truly earthshaking personal epiphany...
Monday, August 15, 2011
On Hate...
I'm a chill guy. I don't hate very many things. You know what I do hate, though? Pessimists, selfists, and fakers.
Ok, so there's all these clever anecdotes about how it'll turn out better than the pessimist thought it would...all that junk. First off, that's illogical. A true pessimist will hate it even more than when he started. That's the nature of the beast, and you can't hide it.
There are also those people who just spread their pessimism like...regurgitated peanut butter on someone else's toast. Yeah, that's how I view it. I'm looking at the peeps who text constantly about how everything sucks, and post statuses about everything bad that happens...they ignore the good in life!
Now, if you look at websites, and probably if you ask pastors, they'll say that there is a time and place for pessimism. Really? Look at the definition of pessimism. "The tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only bad or undesirable outcomes, results, conditions, problems, etc." Come on now, that goes against the enormous hope that we have in Christ! Doesn't it say that in everything, we should give thanks to Christ Jesus? How can one give thanks if at the same time they're just waiting for the bad to happen? Am I right? Am I wrong?
Selfists? Well, they seem to get along well with pessimists. Personally, I've seen a lot of these on facebook...for example, "____ didn't get to ___ because of ___. This sucks!" Really now. Learn to be content, miss/mister! I'm not an incredible example...especially when someone else gets to do something that I didn't get to do? I may not vocalize it, but it irks me. Heck, I'm still simmering about things that happened two years ago...even things that happened six or seven years ago. I say again, I'm not a good example. I will say, though, that I try to keep it to myself. Why should I burden other people with all the junk that happens to me? Remember that all things work together for the good of Him who sent you, so if something happens...it was supposed to happen.
Anytime someone uses themselves as a good example, it comes across as self serving, but I'm going to try and do this with some grace. I was in a moped wreck a couple months ago, had to go to the ER, pay a buncha bills, and go to a driver improvement class for no good reason. (No good reason? Whoops, did I just fall into my own trap? xD) I got on facebook in the ER and posted a status saying that I was in the ER and that I was doing fine. Now, I wasn't really doing quite fine, but I wasn't dead/dying, so there was no need to make it seem worse than it was.
Now I move to an acquaintance of mine. He gets on facebook a little bit after a wreck of his own....and makes this looong status about all the things he won't be able to do and how messed up it is. He wasn't that beat up, and he got out of the ER later that day. I thought to myself...you're not mortally wounded. You'll be out of commission for a month or so. Big deal? Can't you thank God for not breaking your neck?
Like I said, I'm not perfect. I've posted depressing stuff before. I guess...part of what upsets me is that I thought the people that posted these things were good role models, but then I find out that I'm more mature than them, and that's just not right...
Fakers. I hardly have any energy left to attack these guys. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. This is like...shooting fish in a barrel with Big Bertha, and yes, that includes me. I look at myself and what I do, and I find myself repulsive...I try and get better! Oooh man, I try...but that's the problem, its me trying. I can't trust God enough to believe that he'll change me. I come before temptation...and fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. I converse with myself as I fall..."You know you shouldn't be doing this. This is ungodly, this wrong, don't do it...don't...no...please no..........you did it..." How am I supposed to be "real" when the "real" me is a saved failure...ergh, I guess that's supposed to be how it is. I have to show my true self, and God uses that to show others how he's changed me. I just can't give myself to him. Why!?
I am saved...I know this without a doubt. I know God is shaping my life in incredible ways, and he's not afraid to make me uncomfortable to do it. If it were my choice, I would not have chosen for my dad to have an affair, go clinically insane, and attempt suicide, thus restarting my whole life. Looking back, though? He moved me into an incredible church that teaches me, it moved me into a group of peers that I can trust and build close friendships with, it gave me an opportunity to see my spiritual gifts! Its allowed me to see others' relationships, others' affairs, and grow in Christ to an incredible degree.
Really, this post isn't for you guys...its for me. I don't have any facets...I can't write songs, poetry, books, or anything of the sort. I can pray, though, and I can blog. Does God read my blog? *chuckles* Oh yes he does. He knows it even before I write it. Thank you, God. :-)
Thank you for reading this poorly organized and poorly written post...I hope I've been able to present myself as humble as I desire to be, although I'm afraid I may have failed. I'm a sinner, redeemed by grace, but still making mistakes every step of the way.
I've been fascinated with this song for a several months now. My friends don't find it that amazing, but the lyrics are simple enough that I can understand them, and sung/talked with such emotion...
We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living, and since that first breath, we’ll need grace that we’ve never given...
...everything falls apart at the exact same time that it all comes together perfectly for the next step, but my fear is this prison that I keep locked below the main deck. I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden...
...because our church is made out of shipwrecks; from every hull these rocks have claimed, but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change. So come on y'all and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief, and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach. Come on and sew us together, we're just tattered rags stained forever...
Listener - Wooden Heart
Ok, so there's all these clever anecdotes about how it'll turn out better than the pessimist thought it would...all that junk. First off, that's illogical. A true pessimist will hate it even more than when he started. That's the nature of the beast, and you can't hide it.
There are also those people who just spread their pessimism like...regurgitated peanut butter on someone else's toast. Yeah, that's how I view it. I'm looking at the peeps who text constantly about how everything sucks, and post statuses about everything bad that happens...they ignore the good in life!
Now, if you look at websites, and probably if you ask pastors, they'll say that there is a time and place for pessimism. Really? Look at the definition of pessimism. "The tendency to see, anticipate, or emphasize only bad or undesirable outcomes, results, conditions, problems, etc." Come on now, that goes against the enormous hope that we have in Christ! Doesn't it say that in everything, we should give thanks to Christ Jesus? How can one give thanks if at the same time they're just waiting for the bad to happen? Am I right? Am I wrong?
Selfists? Well, they seem to get along well with pessimists. Personally, I've seen a lot of these on facebook...for example, "____ didn't get to ___ because of ___. This sucks!" Really now. Learn to be content, miss/mister! I'm not an incredible example...especially when someone else gets to do something that I didn't get to do? I may not vocalize it, but it irks me. Heck, I'm still simmering about things that happened two years ago...even things that happened six or seven years ago. I say again, I'm not a good example. I will say, though, that I try to keep it to myself. Why should I burden other people with all the junk that happens to me? Remember that all things work together for the good of Him who sent you, so if something happens...it was supposed to happen.
Anytime someone uses themselves as a good example, it comes across as self serving, but I'm going to try and do this with some grace. I was in a moped wreck a couple months ago, had to go to the ER, pay a buncha bills, and go to a driver improvement class for no good reason. (No good reason? Whoops, did I just fall into my own trap? xD) I got on facebook in the ER and posted a status saying that I was in the ER and that I was doing fine. Now, I wasn't really doing quite fine, but I wasn't dead/dying, so there was no need to make it seem worse than it was.
Now I move to an acquaintance of mine. He gets on facebook a little bit after a wreck of his own....and makes this looong status about all the things he won't be able to do and how messed up it is. He wasn't that beat up, and he got out of the ER later that day. I thought to myself...you're not mortally wounded. You'll be out of commission for a month or so. Big deal? Can't you thank God for not breaking your neck?
Like I said, I'm not perfect. I've posted depressing stuff before. I guess...part of what upsets me is that I thought the people that posted these things were good role models, but then I find out that I'm more mature than them, and that's just not right...
Fakers. I hardly have any energy left to attack these guys. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. This is like...shooting fish in a barrel with Big Bertha, and yes, that includes me. I look at myself and what I do, and I find myself repulsive...I try and get better! Oooh man, I try...but that's the problem, its me trying. I can't trust God enough to believe that he'll change me. I come before temptation...and fall. And fall. And fall. And fall. I converse with myself as I fall..."You know you shouldn't be doing this. This is ungodly, this wrong, don't do it...don't...no...please no..........you did it..." How am I supposed to be "real" when the "real" me is a saved failure...ergh, I guess that's supposed to be how it is. I have to show my true self, and God uses that to show others how he's changed me. I just can't give myself to him. Why!?
I am saved...I know this without a doubt. I know God is shaping my life in incredible ways, and he's not afraid to make me uncomfortable to do it. If it were my choice, I would not have chosen for my dad to have an affair, go clinically insane, and attempt suicide, thus restarting my whole life. Looking back, though? He moved me into an incredible church that teaches me, it moved me into a group of peers that I can trust and build close friendships with, it gave me an opportunity to see my spiritual gifts! Its allowed me to see others' relationships, others' affairs, and grow in Christ to an incredible degree.
Really, this post isn't for you guys...its for me. I don't have any facets...I can't write songs, poetry, books, or anything of the sort. I can pray, though, and I can blog. Does God read my blog? *chuckles* Oh yes he does. He knows it even before I write it. Thank you, God. :-)
Thank you for reading this poorly organized and poorly written post...I hope I've been able to present myself as humble as I desire to be, although I'm afraid I may have failed. I'm a sinner, redeemed by grace, but still making mistakes every step of the way.
I've been fascinated with this song for a several months now. My friends don't find it that amazing, but the lyrics are simple enough that I can understand them, and sung/talked with such emotion...
We’re all born to broken people on their most honest day of living, and since that first breath, we’ll need grace that we’ve never given...
...everything falls apart at the exact same time that it all comes together perfectly for the next step, but my fear is this prison that I keep locked below the main deck. I keep a key under my pillow, it’s quiet and it’s hidden...
...because our church is made out of shipwrecks; from every hull these rocks have claimed, but we pick ourselves up, and try and grow better through the change. So come on y'all and let’s wash each other with tears of joy and tears of grief, and fold our lives like crashing waves and run up on this beach. Come on and sew us together, we're just tattered rags stained forever...
Listener - Wooden Heart
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